Think twice when ‘spring cleaning’

by Cheri Bennett L istening to the radio the other day, this question was posed to the audience: “What are the things you’ve kept from your kid’s childhood?”

Don’t ever underestimate the importance and emotional impact that these insignificant but meaningful items have on your life! Consider the holiday items made during grade school; the artwork they made you order copies of during middle school; the keychain you gave them when they got their drivers license; their favorite board games or Pokemon cards; that Pez holder they loved; their favorite winter hat…. Everything that your child treasured while growing up holds a precious memory too important for you ever to realize.

My mother never knew her mother as she died giving birth to her. So when my mom was growing up, raised by aunts and uncles, she treasured anything that she was given that was her mother’s—even the tiniest object.

I guess that’s where I got my attachment to objects that my parents gave me and kept over the years. I think that also explains why I kept nearly everything my son Jeremy made in school, or items that had memories of things we did together, or that just had a special meaning to him.

I never realized how significant these objects would mean to me in the years to come, but it was fully realized after my son’s sudden death eight years ago now. After my son passed, I acknowledged and recognized every single item that held a special moment in time, or held a special place in his heart and mine. I have special cards and drawings that Jeremy made for me and his father, his favorite keychain that we still use daily when driving his car; a special Christmas ornament he made in preschool that holds a picture of his smiling precious face; his black belts and trophies; the shells we collected while walking the beaches of Hatteras; the school project book of his favorite recipes….

For a time, grief overwhelmed my life and I lost my identity and self worth—all hope and joy was lost and I just existed. I pulled it together with much help from my faith, friends who are family and The Bay Center’s grief support groups. However, the pieces that have helped me find gratitude for the time I had together with my son, were those objects, photos, voicemails, drawings—everything—that I saved over the years, which helped me remember the love we shared. Those memories are as priceless as a drawing Jeremy made for me one special day.

I’ll always have memories of my sweet son, like his laugh, his smile, his love for his family and friends, his big bear hugs, his ability to talk to perfect strangers and make them feel like they’d known each other for a lifetime, his sense of humor—they all hold a special place in my heart and in my home. The tangible things that I’ve kept of his life are irreplaceable So, at this time of year when “spring cleaning” is on our minds, take a moment and look at the items your children have made and ask yourself whether you really need to get rid of them. If you do decide to clean some things out, stop and take a photo so you’ll have it as a memory.

Think twice before purging, as that small amount of space might not be worth it in the end.

Cheri Bennett is a peer grief support group facilitator and board member at The Bay Center.

Hang on to those tangible items as well as the memories.